Thursday, January 26, 2006

The Do's and Don'ts of Parenting a Teenager

Most teens I interviewed (approximately 150) told me that their parents didn't really know them. These teens wanted to be recognized and loved for "who I am inside." Instead, parents get hung up on physical appearance -- if teens have a pierced earring or pink hair or strange clothing -- and miss the inner essence of their teens. As one mother said, "we're not paying attention to who they are inside. And that's what they want more than anything."
How do you get to know who your teen really is? Parents can follow my "do's and don'ts":

The Do's of Parenting a Teenager
(1) Behave, talk, and act differently than when your teen was a child.
(2) Listen, observe and don't "talk at."
(3) Help teens let their feelings out--validate & don't try to change them.
(4) Give teens a role in setting-up rules and let them experience mistakes.
(5) Learn to compromise.

The Don'ts of Parenting a Teenager
(1) Stop the questions, the demands and the inflexible rules.
(2) Stop criticizing, scolding and grounding.
(3) Don't give teens unsolicited advice -- EVER
(4) Don't schedule meetings with teens -- talk with them on their terms.

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