Monday, December 18, 2006

Pushing Kids to Take Leadership Roles

Question: Both my kids have leadership skills but now, as teens, they hold back because they are self-conscious. Will they outgrow this stage? Or should I push them to take leadership roles?

Sometimes we can help most by doing nothing -- or very little. If parents just charge in without thinking, fireworks can erupt and shoot dangerously off course before anyone even knows what's happened. More times than I'd like to admit, I have made the mistake of stepping forward, getting involved, talking too much and expressing what I thought was the best approach -- only to wish later that I'd just kept my mouth shut. Beware of over-involvement. Try smiles an humor instead. Try to relate to your teen with more objectivity and lightheartedness. Step back. See what happens if you wait a bit. Or engage in a dialogue on personal values.

Teens have their own unique values, and it is very important to let them surface. It might be helpful to have your teen write down his values. Write yours down too. And share them with each other. A note of extreme caution: Don't try to impose your values onto your teen! Teens must discover, identify, and own their values -- and not simply replicate yours. A few guidelines for parents: Recognize the strengths of your teen's values, support the values cited by your teen, and encourage open discussions on the topic of values. You may discover that taking a leadership role is not important to your teen!

Friday, December 08, 2006

Sparking Creativity in Teens

Parent Question: My teenage daughter says that school is boring. She was very creative as a little kid. What are some ideas for sparking that creativity again?

Parents must know that there are different kinds of intelligence. Math, science, and english classes measure intelligence with numbers and words. They reflect a traditional definition of ability. The truth is that all kids are smart -- they just express their intelligence in varied and magical ways. Parents must first learn what kinds of intelligence their kids have in order to nurture and strengthen them. When you've discovered what they are, help your teen find activities, at school or within the community, that develop them. Here are 5 different areas: 1. musical (sing, compose and read songs), 2. interpersonal or social (enjoy groups, perceive motivations, display empathy), 3. spatial (take things apart. work visually with paints, design, light or architectural drawings), 4. intrapersonal (deeply aware of one's thoughts and feelings and talk about experiences), and 5. bodily-kinesthetic (coordinate fine and gross motor movements -- dance, sports, etc). Parents, remember to broaden your definition of intelligence. In doing so, you free a teen and spark creativity again.