The Do's and Don'ts of Parenting a Teenager

Most teens I interviewed (approximately 150) told me that their parents didn't really know them. These teens wanted to be recognized and loved for "who I am inside." Instead, parents get hung up on physical appearance -- if teens have a pierced earring or pink hair or strange clothing -- and miss the inner essence of their teens. As one mother said, "we're not paying attention to who they are inside. And that's what they want more than anything."
How do you get to know who your teen really is? Parents can follow my "do's and don'ts":

The Do's of Parenting a Teenager
(1) Behave, talk, and act differently than when your teen was a child.
(2) Listen, observe and don't "talk at."
(3) Help teens let their feelings out--validate & don't try to change them.
(4) Give teens a role in setting-up rules and let them experience mistakes.
(5) Learn to compromise.

The Don'ts of Parenting a Teenager
(1) Stop the questions, the demands and the inflexible rules.
(2) Stop criticizing, scolding and grounding.
(3) Don't give teens unsolicited advice -- EVER
(4) Don't schedule meetings with teens -- talk with them on their terms.

Video Cameras and Family History

If you don’t have one already, buy an inexpensive, easy-to-use video camera. Or rent one; I did for our family’s first few video recordings. For sure, video cameras last a long time. I still have the one that I bought twenty years ago. Trust me, it will be one of your wisest family investments. At the very least, pick up a camera. Why? Movies and photos become the visual memories of your family. They detail ‘who you are’ at a point in time. But don’t just use them for special occasions. Catch the everyday moments of your day – especially your play and interaction together.

Our oldest son, John, who is twenty-two now, recently took all of our home movies and pieced different shots into various themes (like birthday parties, visits to grandparents, story telling and play themes) and put them on a DVD for my husband for Father’s Day. We have two such compilations. Each is a fascinating visual display of our family’s history.

Spending time with grandparents is another quick and easy way to experience family history. Grandma and grandpa have all the stories and memories stored right there for us to enjoy. Hang out with them to catch the colorful details about your family culture, traditions, and relationships. Better yet, use your video camera to record their stories and their images for years to come.