Family Laughter and the Humor Tool

1. Laughing with your kids is essential. Use the everyday experiences to increase the laughter in your family. A sense of humor is key to survival. If nothing else comes to mind—just laugh.
I look at my fifteen-year-old son, John, as he kindly carries bags and bags of groceries and packages out of our car, and I say, “I love you more than a bunch of bananas!” We laugh. He’s still feeling the heavy load, so I add, “I love you more than two dozen oranges.” Laughter is a powerful emotion adjuster. It lightens, soothes, even dissolves difficult feelings. It feels so good once you start that it’s hard to stop. What’s really fun is to keep it going for extended periods of time. These “laugh-ins” can be just as emotionally powerful as hugs. Do them now, because when your children get into their teen years, they will think you’re crazy if you haven’t conditioned them to it.

2. A report came out that said: “Children, on average, laugh about 400 times a day. Adults only about 15 times. Scientists who study humor want to know why 385 laughs disappear.” To young children, most everything is humorous. They don’t discriminate. Our eight-year-old laughs at so much that it’s easier to note the things he doesn’t laugh at!

3. These same laugh researchers also noted the medical benefits of laughter. Giggles relieve stress, control pain, lower blood pressure, provide an aerobic workout for the diaphragm, improve the body’s ability to utilize oxygen, and maximize the flow of disease-fighting proteins and cells to the blood. For health reasons, it sounds like adults need giggles more than children. Laughter strengthens the insides, physically, and emotionally. Telling jokes and doing funny things should be encouraged by everyone. The insides need these emotional releases, and it appears that daily doses of giggles are best learned from children.

4. There are funny stories in all families. There is humor even in those child behaviors that drive you crazy! Let me share a one from our homefront. Our oldest son John walks through the house and jumps up to touch the top of every door opening. This behavior coincided with his interest in basketball. If you’ve seen the movie Jurassic Park, you will recall the scene where the enormous T-Rex dinosaur is not seen yet but can be heard—THUMP, THUMP, THUMP—and felt. The earth shakes. John is T-Rex easily a dozen times a day. If I can recall the picture in my mind of the movie scene and use humor, I’m better off than if I ask him to stop jumping, which I admit I say occasionally at the end of the day.

Bottom line: A sense of humor is essential—use it!

KEEPING A JOURNAL DURING THE TEEN YEARS

There are 3 reasons why journaling is beneficial to teens:

1. A journal can help you make sense out of what is going on in your life. As you write down your feelings, you get them out, and start to clarify what they mean. It’s cathartic. A journal offers a safe place to feel and think about what’s happening.
2. Journals are a good record of your life, too. They detail what you did when you were younger. They can help kids remember what they were like at a certain period or time. Journals preserve the story of your life.
3. Journals provide a place to imagine, dream and explore thoughts. You can write in your journal to imagine possible solutions to difficult problems, consider the positive and negatives of the ideas you come up with, and figure out solutions to conflict situations. You can write in your journal to set goals and imagine future accomplishments. Think of something that you would like to happen to you, and use your journal as a first step to make it occur. As you write about it, you are rehearsing the idea, and using your journal to imagine a way into it.

Practical Tips:

Select a journal that you love to hold.
Choose one that you can easily carry around with you.
Write regularly. Develop a habit of writing in it. Be consistent, but not obsessive.
To get going, just start writing!


And parents, don’t forget the larger picture:

(1) "The Sacred Flight" is the life journey every child takes through adolescence into adulthood. Teens are discovering their adult self during these difficult years. They need to learn whom they are inside and become strong, independent, and responsible. A journal can be a source of discovery, comfort, and exploration.

(2) It is difficult for parents to truly "let go" of their teen. For the first twelve years or so, they have been connecting with their children, and now they must love and let go simultaneously. To love, parents will have to somehow hang in there for them. To let go, parents can keep reminding themselves: "This is not about me." This may be the hardest thing they've ever done as a parent. A journal can help teens sort through their complex thoughts and get their feelings out.

(3) A teen is detaching now. This is a natural part of the process of family life. The need to detach is so great that a teen may not even talk to a parent for long periods of time. A teen may avoid a parent altogether. In fact, much of the bizarre behavior can be explained with an eye on this desire to detach. So, parents: Your teen's life must move forward. Teens have their unique sought-after ideas, programs, and plans. Get out of their way. Encourage them to use a journal during this often confusing and turbulent time. Journaling is an invaluable tool to take along on their journey.